i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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