Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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