I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
