for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
