I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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