I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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