I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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