WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
