We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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