i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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