I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
