I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.