I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.