i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
