Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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