On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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