He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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