Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
