the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
