Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
