Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
