Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
