it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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