Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
