College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
