all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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