I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
