FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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