Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
