I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
