dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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