how can u be prego again
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
