i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
