Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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