Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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