Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
