I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
