He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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