am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
