If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
