So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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