i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
