need another drink. this is the easiest way
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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