My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
