I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
