Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
