Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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