He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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