can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Randomize
