I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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