Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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