Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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