no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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