she was so not down for the gang bang
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
