When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
