his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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