i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
