she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize