just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
