I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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