I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
