Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize