pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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