its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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