You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
