ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.