why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night