Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No subtext here. People are naked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.