ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already