he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.