On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.