Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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