My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
