I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
