This is not my ceiling
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
