Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
