honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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