woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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