Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
